The 2010 pantomime is here. It hardly seems a year since the last production and much has changed. Brown-Blair productions have gone out of business and a temporary coalition company called Cameron-Clegg productions has taken it on whilst they sort out the new name. Sadly the budget for this production has been drastically cut. There will be no costumes and the cast will have to compete for their jobs this year. The number of roles have been cut so people might have to multitask.
The title of this year is an amalgam of pantomimes (if you excuse the pun!). Snow White has been mothballed and after much deliberation we called it No (more) PCTs and the seven alternatives in memory of those nice PCTs.
Auditions are held around the UK and the first position to be filled is Snow’s mother, Dame Truly Dental. There is much competition from Lady Alison of Wimpoleodd, Baroness Susan of Wimpoleeven but then we hear a noise at the back...’Who is after my throne darlins? I am the true Dame...Dame Margaret of Globaldom’. It isn’t worth a fight so we will give the job to Dame M again.
There is hot competition for the villain in the show. This year Barry Birdfarm (a stage name) doesn’t want it.
‘ I am always cast as the villain but now I have changed to a new theatre company called Lansley Productions and they are much nicer than the previous lot. Can I be a good guy this time?’
‘Definitely not. You are always cast as the villain from the department of stealth. That’s the only part on offer for you,’ says the producer.
Next is the role of fairy godmother aptly called Fairy Godhelpus.
First is Metal Jim ( another stage name).
‘I should have this part as I have named all the alternatives. Let’s do a pilot shall we?’ says Jim.
All mayhem breaks out as Northern John and Blue Peter arrive together laying claim to the part and talking about their achievements but then there is a loud bang as a silver haired shadow appears.
‘I am not a shadow any more, I am the director of Lansley Productions and I should have the part. I can guarantee better quality, better access, better conditions and happier patients,’ says Andrew.
‘If you can do that you have the part and free membership of the magic circle as well,’ says a stunned producer.
Just as the casting is complete a lone figure stands at the back of the theatre.
‘Who are you?’ asks the producer.
‘I am just an ordinary hard working dentist here to watch the pantomime, I guess you had forgotten me again!’ says the lone figure.
‘Happy Christmas anyway,’ says the producer.